Reciprocity
by Mai Kurosaki
Summary: After becoming a captain, Ichigo Kurosaki is finally able to see Byakuya Kuchiki just the way he truly is, and what he discovers is definitely surprising. But his own blossoming feelings are even more interesting.


**Disclaimer**: Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_.

**Reciprocity**

Ichigo Kurosaki sees Byakuya Kuchiki.

No, you do not understand.

He truly _sees_ Byakuya Kuchiki.

It has been over a decade since he has died and became a shinigami and yet Ichigo always finds himself in awe to see Byakuya Kuchiki. He is also surprised that many do not do so. Many have been blinded by the icy demeanor of the sixth division captain like spending too much time in a winter landscape, when the snow sparkles so hard under the cold light of the sun that it forms little black holes behind your eyes. Even if you blink several times, it is difficult to spend too much time in the diamond winter landscape.

Others have been blinded by fear. The name of the noble Kuchiki sends cold shivers down people's spines each time it is mentioned. Fear is a wonderful weapon on the battlefield but not so much in every day's life. Fear distorts people's image about Byakuya, creating an indistinct reflection of his, a lacking picture that hides so much more. And some are too humbled by his power and strength both spiritually and economically in the mottled world of Soul Society.

It takes some time for Ichigo to observe Byakuya. At the beginning, he was afraid that his stares might be met with slaps over his head and cold stares right back, even some icy threats if nothing else worked. Nevertheless, Ichigo is surprised every single time to take in that Byakuya does not expect to be in the center of attention for everyone, definitely not in Ichigo's.

And because Byakuya does not see him, Ichigo starts to notice things. At first, there are small things. Byakuya does not move his body much when speaking, keeping his cool demeanor even in the harshest discussions. He listens to people's arguments and then destroys them with his brilliant logic. Surprisingly, he respects Ukitake-san more than he had expected and he tends to listen to the older man's advice. In his observations, Ichigo always finds something new, sometimes unexpected, other times everything falls naturally in the picture that he is starting to create in his mind.

One afternoon Rukia invites him for tea and her brother joins them in the sun lit room. Byakuya is dressed in his shinigami attire but he has lost the mantle signaling his rank and his hair falls freely on his shoulders without the restraint of the kenseikan. Ichigo stutters his greeting, a little more respectful than usual.

"Hello, Byakuya."

"As always, so little respect, and so much disregard for your superiors. Hello to you too, Kurosaki." The captain says in his monotone tone and yet, for the first time, there is no malice in it, but rather weariness, a blossoming knowledge that Ichigo is impossible to change in his bratty ways.

Rukia just rolls her pretty eyes at them and starts talking about something, which does not demand Ichigo's attention. So he sees. He observes the way Byakuya's hair becomes silkier when it is touched by the rays of the sun. He notices the way his granite eyes become softer when he is addressing Rukia, his lips twitching in a smile, not quite there, but surprisingly beautiful in its humble beginning. His elegant hands move around him with care and a deep sense of propriety and Ichigo wonders what would happen if he had those hands on his body, how they would feel on his hot skin.

Almost instantly, Ichigo chokes on his tea and coughs like a maniac, blushing heavily at the same time. He is an authentic 'genius'. Rukia pats him on the back but Ichigo feels horribly terrible in the situation.

"Apparently you aren't capable of doing anything right, not even drinking tea." Byakuya observes quietly and obviously Ichigo snaps because it is also too soon in the light of his new revelation.

"Oh, who asked you anything?" Ichigo scowls hard and gets out of the room without another word. A little bit dramatic, but he just figured out that he might be slightly (ok, read this as _a lot_) attracted to Byakuya Kuchiki and he is not exactly thrilled at the perspective. Not because Byakuya would not deserve such feelings, but because his heart is still set on Hisana-san.

Ichigo flash steps to his favorite place, a small hill outside Soul Society where he can see miles and miles of forest, the green sea peaceful in its movement when caressed by the wind. So he is attracted by Byakuya. It is no big deal. It is no revelation that he likes boys. It would not be a shock to everyone. He inhales deeply and then facepalms. Great, awesome, he just fell in love with an iceberg. He moans in dejection. _Fell in love? Where did that come from? Man, can this get any worse? Wait, no, don't ever say that or it will actually get worse. _

He wants to deny this; he _really_ wants to deny this. Everything he loves is always in danger or dies because of him. His mother, Rukia and many others are just a sample of how screwed up he is. He can't love. He shouldn't love. There are so many reasons for saying _no_ to this, just denying it, burying it back into his heart so deep that even his hollow could not find it. Byakuya Kuchiki is not someone, who would love him back; he would never respond to his feelings.

But…

But you can't order your heart around.

And the first thing Ichigo notices after his miserable moment is the fact that his eyes are finally opened. Being a captain of the third division has its benefits and one of them is being near Byakuya. Therefore, he sees other stuff as well. How Byakuya's eyes would slow just for a little on Ichigo's form as he takes his seat in line at the captains' meeting. Those onyx eyes remain cold, assessing maybe, but just for one flimsy moment, they are alive with something. Ichigo can't name the feeling, but he knows he can eliminate affection, love, interest, curiosity and so on and so forth. Maybe it is dislike or wonder that Ichigo dares to be next to such imposing people. On the one hand, it is good to see that Byakuya is anything but indifferent to Ichigo; on the other hand, it hurts that it can't be more. Sometimes he wonders if this is a simple delusion born out of a too ardent desire to see something, which would never be.

He knows he can't do much. But he can get to know this man and he tries to accomplish this mission. Ichigo has never been so strongly motivated before.

He does not tell anyone his findings. He does not tell anyone that Byakuya is a morning person, clearly energetic, loving to drink maybe three or four cups of tea before he starts his paperwork. Sometimes he tolerates Ichigo's presence around him and they talk about shinigami affairs in a pleasant companionship. Furthermore, Byakuya is a patient teacher. No matter what inane question he gets from Ichigo, he never fails to answer promptly and clearly. Occasionally, Ichigo even writes stuff down and swears that someday he will compile all into a book about managing a division.

"Isn't there someone else to pester so early?" Byakuya asks one morning and Ichigo just smiles softly, surprising a little the cold-hearted captain.

"You are a great teacher." The young shinigami answers truthfully. The older man's eyes widen minutely. "I understand the way you explain everything. I know I shouldn't pester you all the time, but I feel like I learn more when you are the one answering my questions."

Byakuya does not say anything in response, just nods, but the following day there is another cup of tea on the desk and Ichigo knows he has won one of the battles. With the exception of the days when one of them is on mission, they never fail to meet. Naturally, Ichigo sees the changes in himself as well.

He turns calmer, handling pressure-filled situations so much better than he used to. Every time his hotheaded nature makes him take rash decisions, there is an inside voice – disquietingly resembling of Byakuya's – which stops him before making a mistake. He diligently fills his paperwork and he becomes more serious in his dealings with the other divisions.

In return, Byakuya makes small acknowledgement gestures towards him as well. His posture is not as stiff as before and one or two times his lips almost twitch in a smile. It is more than he could ever hope for, so Ichigo just swallows past the sudden lump in his throat and carries on as if his heart is not ripped to pieces when the awareness of his unrequited love strikes from time to time.

Unsurprisingly, Rukia starts noticing that something is amiss. She successfully corners Ichigo after a particularly harsh morning.

"What is going on between my brother and you?" She hisses trying to keep her voice down. Ichigo blushes brightly.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ichigo, you have never been a good liar so rest assured that you weren't suddenly bestowed with this gift. So I'll ask you again. What is happening between the two of you? Drinking tea in the morning, agreeing during captains' meetings and even deciding to back each other in missions."

"Nothing happens between us." Ichigo scowls. "Your brother is the only one who takes some time to explain to me how Soul Society works. He's just teaching me stuff."

"Oh, really?" Rukia smirks deviously at him. "So it doesn't matter then if I tell you that the council of the Kuchiki clan has decided that it was time for Byakuya to take another partner."

"What?"

It is almost funny how revelations never change people's lives like in the movies. Most of the times revelations bring changes, but not in real life. In real life, you just stay rooted on the spot while your best friend tells you about how you are about to lose the love of your life. Because he knows this is it. He won't ever love someone else except Byakuya.

"They met with him last week, told him to look for someone else. He should stop mourning for my sister." Rukia hesitates, concern etched on her face like an ugly picture twisting everything.

"Yes, of course." Ichigo mumbles. He can feel his face drained of blood. His hands are clammy and they are shaking with helplessness.

"Of course what, Ichigo?" Rukia frowns deeper. Shaking her head a little bit, she looks defiantly at him. "Are you going to tell me that you are all right with this?"

Ichigo opens his mouth, trying to say something, but nothing comes out. He lets himself lean on the wall next to him and look dejectedly ahead as he slowly sinks to the pavement unaware of the stares that he gets. Rukia sinks right next to him and she gently lets her head fall on his shoulder, while she takes his hand in her little ones.

"How long? How long have you been in love with my brother?"

"I don't know." His throat feels clogged with unspoken words and muted feelings. "A while now." He swallows because no, he won't cry, that is not a manly thing to do, he promised himself he wouldn't do it ever again after his mother died and he is not about to do it now. "He is such an amazing person, Rukia. Why is it that nobody sees that?"

"Because they don't see him like you and I and maybe Renji do. My brother excels at many things but one of his best is hiding away from people."

Ichigo nods in acknowledgement because it is true. Sometimes Byakuya hides away even from him, but Ichigo is still able to have a glimpse beyond social images and pride and honor and duty.

"I don't know what to do, Rukia." He whispers lost, as if he has to take harsh decisions again, as if he would rather face ten thousand people like Aizen rather than continue to live with the knowledge that the mornings that he had with Byakuya would never be his again.

"I want you to man up and tell him how you feel. I know my brother, I know you don't leave him indifferent and that he feels something for you. But he would never say. You have to be the brave one again, Ichigo. If only for a little while longer."

Ichigo's hand squeezes hers a little but other than that, he does not do or say anything else and they stay like that in that warm embrace as if the world is ending. And maybe this is a little dramatic too, maybe he should not be thinking in apocalyptic terms because many have lost their loved ones and they have continued to live on. However, Ichigo has not had much love in his life. Yes, he is loved by his sisters, cared for by his father. His friends appreciate him and they would probably go to great lengths for him as well. But there has never been someone to love him just for the way he is.

After he takes Rukia back to her division, Ichigo wanders away through Soul Society. He is so broody that people leave him alone. And later, much later, without even thinking about it, he finds himself in front of the Kuchiki manor and before he chickens out, he is lead by the guards inside. A servant announces his presence to Byakuya who invites him to join him in his office.

The night has fallen completely, her velvety shroud covering everything. The candles light up the room though as memories do with the past and they send their fleeting light across the room, gently illuminating Byakuya's face. The head of the Kuchiki clan is surrounded by papers, on his desk the little cup of tea that Ichigo gave him as a present a week or two ago. He does not remember now all those important details that made Byakuya's image in his own mind.

The nobleman makes a short gesture and the young captain, brash as he is, barely finds his courage to sit down and try to act like a normal person. Byakuya's hair is elegantly bound in the back, shorter strands falling slowly towards his forehead. He is dressed casually and he seems much more at peace here. He looks at Ichigo expectantly, a perfect eyebrow rising in question.

Ichigo inhales deeply.

"Look, I'm sorry to disturb at such late hour, but here's the thing. I have a couple of things to say to you and you're going to listen to me without your usual _Ichigo spews only nonsense, I don't want to listen to him_ blah blah blah. Can you do that? Just once?" When Byakuya looks even more surprised but nods, Ichigo continues. "Here is what I wanted to tell you: I see you, Kuchiki Byakuya." Brown eyes meet grey eyes in sudden but unshakable decision. "I see your gentle ways and your harsh manners, the way you hide your smiles and keep your anger. I see everything about you because I like watching you, not in the creepy way, like stalking or anything-"

Ichigo stutters blushing heavily as Byakuya suddenly rises from his desk and looks up into the garden. Ichigo raises as well, suddenly overwhelmed with despair. "The point is, I know my feelings are unwanted and unrequited and I really don't want to put you in a bad place but Rukia told me today that you are forced by the elder council to take a partner and if it's not too presumptuous from me, maybe you would consider me for the position? Surely there will be others more suitable than me and I'm still not sure if the council is in all this male on male pairs but-"

Firm and maybe a little dry lips press against his forcefully and stop his rambling. For a moment his mind screams hysterically that he is kissing the one man that he has ever wanted but it is simply too much to think. Therefore, he grips tightly, taking fistfuls of Byakuya's clothes and the older man takes this as an encouragement to press their bodies even more, pressing insistently until Ichigo gets the idea and opens his mouth a little inviting the older man to just delve inside of it and taste him. He does not know who moans or groans in pleasure and he does not care. He just knows that he is kissing the man that he loves and not everything is lost.

When they finally fall apart, Byakuya does not allow Ichigo go far away. Instead, they settle on the porch, the younger man snuggled into the older man's embrace, his back leaning against a protective chest and it is almost absurd how much Ichigo feels at peace and safe right there and then.

"You have to know," the nobleman whispers, his breath caressing Ichigo's neck "that I didn't consider taking another person as my partner. You were always my first option. My _only_ option." Byakuya makes him look at him and presses gentle kisses on his eyelids, on his cheeks and finally on his lips. "I see you too, Ichigo Kurosaki. And your soul sings to me."

Ichigo is stunned into complete silence because those grey eyes, those impossibly beautiful eyes are filled with wonder and love and Ichigo realizes how stupid he has been all this time. He lets himself fall into a deep and hungry kiss again because now he knows.

Byakuya has always looked back at him.

* * *

_A/N: I still fight against a humongous writer's block, and I am so tired of it and want it all gone so here is a little piece of my battles against it. (I particularly needed something fluffy and schoompy after the horrible 502 chapter). I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes left. _


End file.
